HELP, MY BRAIN WAS HIJACKED!

ron.coriell — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 01:33:18 +0000

“Stop doing that!” “Oh, you make me so mad!” “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” “Don’t ask why, just do it because I say so!”

How many parents have spoken angry words to their children? All of us. Have we regretted it later? Sure. But, why do we do this, sometimes over and over again?

I am doing research for a 12-session seminar on The Family, God’s Weapon for Victory to present to parents at my school. I ran across a chapter in a book* that helped me answer the question.

Deep in our brain is an “…almond-shaped set of neurons call the amygdala. It forms a part of our limbic system and is responsible for managing emotions and helping us empathize.”* When this part of our brain loses control we have an “amygdala hijack.”* Our emotions fly off the handle without any holding back from our God-given amygdala.

Now there are times when this is good. It is called the “fight or flight response.” See a bear? Run! Building on fire? Run out!

But when we have an amygdala hijack around our kids we become part of the problem instead of the solution. We speak or act without thinking first and so often we are sorry for it later. Here are three tips from authors Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott.*

1. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling? I am angry because my son spilled his chocolate milk on my white carpet.” Quick self-reflection is a calming agent.

2. Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Feel what he is feeling—clumsy, fear, jealousy, anger, loneliness? “He’s is only 24 months old and I gave him a sippy cup without handles.” This further calms our emotions.

3. Validate your son’s emotions. “Honey, it’s OK. Mommy will give you an easier sippy cup to hold next time?” This shows that you get it. He senses that you understand.

I wish I had read about the amygdala 30 years ago when I was raising my daughters Jennifer, Jessica, and Johanna. I am certain that I would have tried to resist brain hijackings. Next time your kids get under your skin, remember: Ask…, Put…, and Validate….

* Drs. Les and Leslie Parrot, The Parent You Want To Be, (Grand Rapids, Zondervan, 2007)

ron.coriell — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 00:30:41 +0000

admin — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 00:04:20 +0000

SchoolCare of Covenant Classical Schools Parent Resource Articles

HELP, MY BRAIN WAS HIJACKED!